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A Waitress Rant

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There is a good chance in your lifetime that you have been a mediocre customer. I know I have and I am the one about to launch into a waitress rant.

I always told myself I would never want to work in the food industry. I mean think about it, who wants to stand on their feet all day, wait on rude customers and deal with poor tippers and make less than minimum wage? This was something I always questioned until one day I found myself applying for a job at Red Lobster.

I have worked at the Mount Pleasant Red Lobster for over a year now as I have attended Central Michigan University. Although the tips can be well worth it sometimes, there are many instances that can drive a server insane. Now if you have ever been a server, worked behind a bar, coffee house, etc, you understand the kind of customer or table that will make an otherwise completely enjoyable shift you have unbearable. The kind of people who will make you storm into the kitchen in a flying rage holding back tears.

So from me to you, here is a quick low down on how to make the dining experience a more enjoyable time for everyone.


                     Control your children.

a.      If you go out to dinner with your spawn of children and let them run around, throw things off the table, and scream bloody murder, you are the worst. I understand you have children and that it is perfectly acceptable to bring them along while you are eating. However, don’t you feel a little bit embarrassed when your child is screaming and crying all while throwing mashed potatoes and crayons everywhere? Do you not think it is dangerous to have your child running around the walkways while a waitress is carrying a tray of hot plates? Do you think that maybe you should keep them sitting down and behaving well so they are not disturbing everyone else is the restaurant? Also do you ever think that maybe, just maybe you could pick up after your child? I get that I am your waitress but I am not your maid. When you leave after your meal with a table covered in spilled chocolate milk, crayon marks and food all over the floor, guess who has to clean that all up, me.

Do not whistle at me.

a.      When you need my attention, snapping your fingers or whistling is really going to irritate me. Why you ask, because it’s rude. If we’re having a busy night there was most likely a reason I was rushing past you. I will come back and come back sooner if you say something polite. I am not a dog or part of a herd of cattle. 

If it looks like we are closing, chances are we are closing.

a.      This is something that will always baffle me. If you are sitting in a restaurant and there is no one else around, most of the staff is gone and you see everyone cleaning up for the night, do you think that maybe it is time to hit the dusty ol’ trail? I really do not mind if you want to hang around while we are shutting things off but there comes a point when you need to leave. We all want to go home too and can’t do so until you leave. We then have to clean up your mess when we could have been out of there at a normal closing time.

Be reasonable and respectful. 

a.      What customers do not realize it that we are not the ones cooking the food. Our job is to punch into the computer system what you had ordered and it is then transferred back to the head chef who prepares it. Yelling at me because your steak is not exactly how you wanted it is not going to help anyone. Also, yelling at me because your food is taking longer than you wanted to wait for on a busy Friday night is also not going to solve any problems. I do not control how fast they make your food and how they prepare it. It is also not my fault we ran out of tilapia that was just a really popular item today. If I could prepare you all the fresh tilapia of the sea I would but I can’t.

Do not change the meal into something indistinguishable.

a.      There are many things on the menu that are there for a reason. It is fine to make a few changes but once your collection of substitution points reaches let’s say six, it becomes a bit ridiculous. Seriously why do you ask for nut crusted maple glazed chicken when you don’t want nuts or maple glaze on it? My favorite comment is, “I would like an extra side of dressing but not too much but not too little just the right amount.” Like, I’m sorry what?

Please, Please don’t be rude. 

a.      I think it all really comes down to this, don’t be rude. Have you never heard the saying treat others the way you want to be treated? Chances are if you are nice and polite to me, I will always be more likely to go out of my way to help you rather than if you are being rude to me. Let’s be real though, I would never be rude to a customer even if they were incredibly rude to me but moral of the story here is just be nice and I promise we’ll be nice back.


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